I heard one of the most disgusting displays of vanity/materialism from my gender on the radio this morning on my way into the office.

Catching a morning talk show with three hosts, one male and two female, the subject of today’s musings was a question posed by a listener. The man, who desired to propose to his girlfriend (and with whom he intended to purchase a house) wondered in light of wanting to be financially wise, if he could purchase a “fake” engagement ring and upgrade to a real diamond at a later date, whether he should buy a small but real diamond, or whether he should just not get a ring at all in light of the impending financial obligations and responsibilities with both the wedding and down payment. The male host was shocked at both of his counterparts who argued that it would be horrible and inexcusable for this man to purchase a “fake” engagement ring. I was just as disappointed by their response.

But it got worse as listeners started to call in to give their two cents. And I was incensed, incensed at the response almost all of the women gave, and I was ashamed to be called female. I heard everything from “nothing under a caret is acceptable,” to “it must be huge and I’ll help pay for it, if necessary” to the most offensive offering – a woman called in to say that she flung her “fake” engagement ring (who determined that “diamond” was the standard by which all other rings are to be considered “fake”?!) at her intended fiancé and ran out of the room crying. He had explained to her he could not economically afford a real diamond but would upgrade when he could. Had I been in his shoes, I would have dumped her right then and there. I was horrified. Another woman said she must have at least three carets and it had to be real because otherwise her girlfriends would talk. To her, I would suggest she find a better circle of girlfriends and to her boyfriend, I suggest he find someone else. One woman said she would rather have a small real diamond and then wait until her husband can upgrade to a real – the implicit assumption that he should upgrade to a real diamond. One woman claimed that the ring is reflective of a couple’s love and therefore it must be “real,” for to have a fake is the first lie in the relationship. I felt nauseous.

Not once did I hear a woman profess that a ring is symbolic, that there is wisdom in not living beyond your means, that a diamond is no indication of love whatsoever.

What in the world is wrong with women?!

I used to not even want a wedding ring, let alone an engagement ring; however, as I grow older, I appreciate and value the symbolism of a wedding band. It is, however, only symbolism, and as I am in a season of life where many of my friends are married, have been married, or intend to get married in the near future, the subject of engagement rings and wedding bands is an often-discussed subject and thus has been a topic with which I’ve engaged.

I see no need to put an extra stress or burden upon my intended simply to keep up with the status quo or even tradition. Having been to many jewelers with my girlfriends, I learned to keep my tongue in check but I was aghast at the racket the jewelry business has. And I am utterly content to have a simple band, something perhaps reflective of my personal taste, remiss of any kind of stone. In fact, if I was in love and getting married and all my intended could afford was a cracker-jack ring, then I would be happy and proud to wear that ring.

The ring is simply symbolic of a bond that has been created and engendered in two individual’s hearts. In a world in which faithfulness and fidelity are not encouraged and women and men are extremely aggressive, I do see value in choosing to wear a band as a statement that your heart is taken and has been given and committed to one person. But to obsess over a ring, to make implicit or explicit demands upon your intended, to go into possible debt or use financial resources for a ring when those same resources could be used for a down payment on a house seems to me ludicrous.

I know I may be a lone voice regarding this manner, but I was personally sick and disgusted at hearing the women call in on the show, and I felt grieved for their spouses/partners. The ring (and the wedding day, for that matter, but that is another rant for another time) are not reflective of your love or the health of your marriage, and perhaps therein lies some of the problems we face regarding the state of our unions – if we have placed our security in the size and quality of our engagement ring, we have not only placed our security in the wrong trust, we have missed the point entirely.