expanding dreams

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

Or stated another way, “You may make your plans, but God directs your actions.”

–

Life continually surprises me.

Last week I had the pleasure of talking with my childhood best friend – she lives in Montana and we see each other once every few years. When we became best friends, she was six and I was three (I’ve always gotten along better with those older than I, almost from the womb ;). We were neighbors and our parents were close friends, which helped foster our friendship. We spent hours romping together – creating, playing, dancing through childhood – and we were inseparable for years until my family moved away when I was thirteen.

She was an only child – independent, adventurous, a self-proclaimed feminist – into fashion, movies, the mall and boys – I looked up to her as she was three years my senior and was “cool.” I was the complete opposite. I was the oldest of a pack of siblings and I was most happy running around barefoot, climbing trees, reading and making things with my hands…and my parents, in their parental autonomy (which I disliked intensely back then but absolutely love now as an adult) refused to let me wear makeup or hang out at the mall during my formative adolescent years, so our worlds, while connected, were always slightly separate.

She wanted to be a marine biologist and was headed toward college and a career; I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother (I realize I’ve always been a nurturer) and college didn’t interest me, nor a career. Instead, I wanted to write and start a home business, pursuing any one of my myriad interests. She never wanted to get married and didn’t want children; I longed to get married, have a family and homeschool my children. She was the Murphy Brown to my Laura Ingalls Wilder.

And then life happened.

And here we are, ten years removed from our former selves. She just had her third child, a precious little boy who joins two beautiful older sisters; she’s living in the mountains with her loving husband. And she tells me they hope to have seven children and would like to adopt after that, which upon hearing, my jaw literally dropped, and I was thankful she couldn’t see me register surprise. She is a stay-at-home mother and is homeschooling her children.

And here I am, a single, post-college graduate, working in the legal field the last three years living the craziest, best adventure of my life. Would I like to marry and have a family one day? Yes. That desire has never faded, but it doesn’t drive me as it once did – it’s somewhere there, on the back burner but it’s not my end-goal as it used to be – if it happens to take place along my life’s journey, wonderful, but if not, I’m content and happy with the life I’m living and the pursuits I run after. But I find it ironic that in essence, we switched lives, and I’m living out her dream and she is living out mine. Both of our adolescent dreams changed and morphed over the years, being affected by life’s circumstances and personal choices, and we are now supremely happy with where we are today, but had you told me at fifteen we would have changed places, I would have laughed, asserting by my tone that you were crazy. I never foresaw living the life I lead, nor enjoying it so much. Little did I know myself. Now I just smile and thank God that he sometimes turns us upside down and gives us the desires of our heart that we don’t even realize are within us until he cultivates them and makes them blossom.

I’ve learned not to hold on too tightly to any dream or plan I may have, because inevitably, when I just follow Jesus and take one day at a time, I am surprised and delighted by the journey that He takes me on, and my dreams, hopes, and passions change, morph, expand. I am living a life better than I could have ever dreamed or planned for myself, and I reflect that sometimes it’s better to leave the dreaming and planning up to him and be flexible when your life does not look like what you envisioned.

Maybe one day part of my childhood dream will be fulfilled and I’ll have a home with a loving family; until then, I’ll save up to fly out to Montana to enjoy my friend’s and rejoice with her while thanking God he’s directing both of our steps.